And We Shall March

Stupid Things I Have Said (Watchmen Edition)

There's a reason 'Stupid Things I Have Said' was one of the very first categories created way back when the first version of this blog was brought forth. I don't use it very often because 95% of the STIHS things I have said are best not broadcast to the whole wide of the world. I might be occasionally stupid, but I'm not dumb.

This picture, taken at around Midnight this past Friday?

It represents one of the Ultimate STIHS Ever In The Entirety Of My Life So Far.  *In my defense* there is no way I could have known! NONE! AT! ALL!

So.

I have seen Watchmen, and now understand why many of the worth-listening-to usual suspects I read that one usually can rely upon to Make With The Spoilers have not done so (thus pissing me off for a couple of weeks). I now see that these people - at least those not holding back under threat of alleged embargo*** -  have made the right decision on a big picture level. Disclosure - I don't know these people personally, I'm just extrapolating based on nothing more than longtime reader and people-largely-follow-patterns.

It comes down to if you are Of The Tribe, you *must* go into this film with the book in your head yet no knowledge of the filmmaker's choices ahead of time so you can delight in/viciously argue about/drop jaws in absolute astonishment over how they chose to rework the source and pulled it off. If you are not One Of Us, you need to know nothing ahead of time because that level of source material neepery will be meaningless to you, serve only to confuse and irritate you to no end, and possibly nudge you away from checking this movie out in the theater which you seriously must do.

And that's why, in lieu of a giant spoiler-filled review that I do not have time for anyway, later this week I will share a streamlined version of the story behind this picture. That'll hold enough to give me time to finish cleaning up the live posts (of which at least six are missing DAMMIT). All I'll say about the Hollywood adaptation of Watchmen for now is:

1. The film is fantastic. Let me say that again - THE WATCHMEN FILM IS FANTASTIC.

1a. My personal fave chapter in the book is *perfection* on the screen. (I think I've said this around here in the past somewhere, but when you come to this site It's All About Me. If the Hollywood People had fucked up my favorite chapter? My reaction here would be Unpleasant In Great And Excruciating Detail.)

2. I cannot wait to see how mundanes react to it. Tribal response only goes so far you know. It is the reaction of the rest of the wide world that truly matters here, in a practical, bottom-line, they-must-have-spent-a-fortune-on-the-legal-battle-and-that-cost-must-be-justified-with-butts-in-theater-seats sense of things.

3. I so very much hope the film drives people to the Most Worthy source material.

4. Now I understand why Dave Gibbons was being so gleeful about the movie at one of his CCI panels last year. No party line stuff there; that was flat-out honesty on display. Maybe I should work on my default setting of Cynical...but I'm not gonna so I don't even know why I bothered to type that.

5. Men who happen to share the same name as my father are so magnificently awesome that THE UNIVERSE QUAKES AT THE VERY THOUGHT OF THEIR EXISTENCE AS IT THINKS TO ITSELF IT IS GOOD.

And now to blessed sleep because I have to hit up the day job in the morning. Why didn't I remember at the time that I'm no longer in my Freshly Minted Era and attempt to take Monday off as well for Recovery? At least I wasn't the only one. Perhaps I'll throw in a streamlined version of Sunday reports about what happened across the board on Saturday night as well...

Related.

Also related.

Update! Roger Ebert's interesting thoughts.

More, later.

*** I'll save the advice that was to go here about the nature of press embargoes in the actual world for another day, because every time I have attempted to have this conversation in real life with the too-easily-cowed members of the comics pr outlets, it *never* goes well.

More From The Annals Of We Can't Take You ANYWHERE, Can We?

(Latest in an occasional series.)

So there I am at a thing, this time charged with engaging as many of the several tens of tens of tens of thousands of Avoiding Eye Contact people walking past.

BGF: May I gift you*** with our newsletter?
Target: No thanks.
BGF: May I gift you with our newsletter?
Target: You people are why this country is going down the drain.
BGF: May I gift you with our newsletter?
Target: Sure!
BGF: Our newsletter! Let me show you it!
Target: Thanks.
BGF: May I gift you with our newsletter?
Target: No.
BGF: May I gift you with our newsletter?
Target: Where did you get that bag?
BGF: If I tell you, will you promise to let me gift you with our newsletter?
Same Target: Sure.
BGF: You have to take the newsletter, first.
Same Target: Hahaha!
BGF: No, seriously. TAKE THE NEWSLETTER.
Same Target: <can't stop laughing as he takes the newsletter, nor as I direct him to turn around, look at the giant C-SPAN bus right behind him, walk over to it and take one of the bags from the giant pile of bags on their table. and then he starts laughing harder. i can understand why it was kinda funny, but i don't get why it was that funny.>
BGF: May I gift you with - O MY GOD!
Gustavo: <raises eyebrows in slight alarm>
BGF: You're the guy! That Mexican! That's you! Gustavo, ah..
Gustavo: ... Arellano.
BGF: I love your column! You're doing the Lord's work! I have your book!
Gustavo: Hey, thanks! <eyebrows lower into non-alarm mode>
BGF: And I totally knew the April 1st column was a joke!
Gustavo: That makes you the third person in the city who got it.
BGF: Can I take a picture of you?
Gustavo: Sure -
BGF: NO! Wait! COWORKER! TAKE A PICTURE OF US!!
Coworker: ... Okay.

BGF: So...may I gift you with our newsletter?
Gustavo: <laughs> Please, do.

For non-locals, a couple of random examples of his work.

After my shift I wandered a bit and snagged three more entries for the hobby site, then went home and fell over. I'd been up really, really later than I should have.

From The Annals Of I Need To Work On That "Be Cool" Thing

Blog's on autopilot for most of this month while I'm busy elsewhere, giving me an opportunity to clear out posts that have been held hostage in the drafts bin for one reason or another. Based on the original to-post date for this one, I think I held it because the strike hit very soon after, its looming threat was hefty topic of conversation that night, and I didn't think it was appropriate to run it back then.
---

So, there I am at a thing. This guy walks in the door:

Me: !!! omigod !!!
Him: <polite smile>
Me: !!! omigodyouweren'tontheshotlistomigod !!!
Him: I just got in town.
Me: !!! omigod !!!
Him: ... Who are you?

Eventually I settled down, but man was it funny. Here's his C.V.

I think this is a pretty good shot, especially since I was geeking out when I took it.

Dispatches From The Phone Logs: Come Back, Little Sheba

The Nice One: BLACK PEOPLE AT THE CTG!!
BGF: Hello. I'm at work. And you?
The Nice One:  Black! People! At! The! CTG!!
BGF: Nah...they got rid of all of them when that guy took over and axed all the programs associated with earth tones. I still can't figure out how Hwang managed to get in the schedule. We should hit that up. Everybody says it's a good show and remember when they cast a white guy as an Asian in Miss Saigon? He's the guy who everybody turned on when he tried to tell them don't do that and --
The Nice One:  SILENCE.
BGF: If you were sitting in a cubicle right now like us normal people they wouldn't let you yell like that.
The Nice One: Black people! In the building! FOR REALS.
BGF: No way.
The Nice One:  Way.
BGF: OMG!!! I love her!
The Nice One: Ever heard of it?
BGF:Nope. Maybe. Wasn't that a movie? Or am I thinking of something else?
The Nice One:  Care?
BGF: Nope!
The Nice One:  Cash flow?
BGF: You've harshed my vibe.
The Nice One:  I hear you.
The Two of Us: <pondering>
The Two of Us: HOT TIX!!!!
BGF: We're saved! Also, jinx owe me a Coke.
The Nice One: What's this about Vietnam?
BGF: What?
The Nice One: You were interrupting with something about Vietnam -
BGF: I wasn't talking about Vietnam. You never listen to me.
The Nice One: I *am* listening and you JUST SAID something about Viet-
BGF: No I didn't.
The Nice One: ...
BGF: Last week I was talking about MacNamera. Is that what you mean? You told me to stop. Have you watched the dvd yet?
The Nice One: ...
BGF: Hello?
The Nice One: You said Saigon, JUST NOW and -
BGF: Oh! Yeah, but that wasn't about Vietnam, specifically. I was talking about a play.
The Nice One: Where?
BGF: Where, what?
The Nice One: Where. Is. The. Play.
BGF: It's at the CTG. When I talk, what do you hear? Elves? It's running downtown now at the Taper or the other one. Everybody says it's great. We should -
The Nice One: NOT THAT PLAY. The thing you were talking about with the white guy!
BGF: Oh! That's set in Saigon.
The Nice One: WHERE. IS. SAIGON?
BGF: Oh.
The Nice One: THIS is why we broke up.
BGF: Please. We broke up because of all those women you lied about.
The Nice One: THIS is why I was forced into their loving, CAN GET A WORD IN, not to mention REASONABLE embrace.
BGF: WHATever. Call me when you get the tickets.
The Nice One: Are you typing?
BGF: I'm at work. I type at work. All the live long day.
The Nice One: Sounds like you're typing really fast.
BGF: Listen mister off season, what the hell do you know about people with regular jobs?
The Nice One: ...
BGF: What?
The Nice One: Nothing. I'll call when I get the tickets.

By the time this posts, the tickets will be in hand. He'll get over it!

<cackle>

What We Would Do With Our KitchenAid Mixers We Don't Yet Have

Did I say I'd be gone until the middle of this week? Lies! As I'm sure you could tell from last night. A miracle happened with the annual Brighten The Corner Where You Are gathering. Everybody was on time, on game and we managed to gossip *and* work, as opposed to our usual gossip and then eventually remember we're supposed to be working. We got everything, all 500 bags, done in one weekend! That NEVER happens. Trashed my house since BGF Central was on deck to serve as hq this year, but that's okay. The stuff is down, done and turned over to the next group, ready for distribution well before drop. Huge, huge score! I can get the house back into shape easy, and I found myself with the unexpected gift of free hours this week. I'm going to use them on words and two more advanced movie screenings.

Anywho, Monday night I went back and asked those involved if remembered how, in the middle of everything, we started talking about this mixer thing, but none of us could track exactly how we went from King Kong to appliance lust. The conversation took place face to face, over the phone and via email over the course of several days. It's still going on, actually. Somehow, ultimately we ended up dreaming of the KitchenAid 600 mixer, which all of us long for but none can afford, and if we had one, how we would each decorate it.

Me, I'd go with flames, of course. Red and yellow and orange, ridiculously over the top. Two others would leave their untouched, particularly the one who would kill for the copper mixer. I guess she's willing to spend the rest of her life cleaning that thing. One of us said the most surprising thing. She'd want her mixer to have decorations by Chris Ware. We had to sidetrack with a quick explainer to the others, who'd never heard of him.

Over the years, I've turned her into a big fan of the pictures of Chris Ware, but she hates the stories he tells through those pictures. The poster in the hallway, not too long after it arrived, she started to read it then took a couple steps back saying "I'll enjoy it more from here." (That went on my list of All Time Funniest Things anybody has ever said, EVER.) Here is a slightly reconstructed exchange about her Ware mixer:

Ms. I Don't Want A Codename For Your Stupid Blog: If I ever got one and mailed it to him, would he paint it?
BGF: I think artists will pretty much draw on anything if you pay them.
MIDWACFYSB: You don't think he'd think it was stupid?
BGF: I have no idea. That one time I met him, he didn't think my purse was stupid. Or at least, he never let on that he thought it was. Not that I would care because that purse is AWESOME.
MIDWACFYSB: I'd want the robot with the flowers. It's sweet.
BGF: That's because you haven't read any of them.
MIDWACFYSB: I don't want something depressing. I don't think one should have a depressing image on a mixer. The kitchen is the symbolic center of a well-functioning family unit. A depressing image on a cornerstone item of your kitchen would send the wrong message about your household. (For the record, she ABSOLUTELY believes this.  -- The Editors.)
BGF: Go with flames! Nothing's depressing about hot rod flames.
MIDWACFYSB: Unless you died in a car wreck, or perhaps were so badly injured that you needed a lifetime of skin grafts and then had to live in one of those bubble houses, never to have direct physical contact with anyone again.
BGF: ... Sometimes you frighten me.

Technically, this is a Stupid Things Other People Have Said entry.

It Was A Michael Caine Day!

Getting the call from this very old friend a couple of weeks ago was a total surprise as I didn't know he was in town, let alone in the state. He's one of the few allowed to violate the Do Not Call My House Before 9 a.m. On A Weekend Rule, and since that's just what he doing it took a while for the details of what he was asking for help about to make sense. Eventually I wake up enough to get it, tell him I think I know where to find what he needs and it could all be done by his deadline, no panic necessary.

He showed up in a Pepper White. I learned long ago not to ask questions like who are you fucking NOW and how on EARTH did you talk him into giving you the keys of -- let's just call him Somebody's Boy Toy, shall we? --  so I just squeal, run back inside and change clothes,*** run back out. He's standing by my car, giving it the same look he used to give my old car.  I'm standing by the Pepper White.

BGF: I'm driving!
SBT: Like hell.
BGF: I would be driving if we took my car. What's the difference?
SBT: This is NOT your car.
BGF: But it's got insurance, right?
(Here we skip over the argument involving a combination of whining, bullying and emotional manipulation that ended with  Me in the driver's seat and SBT in the passenger seat looking as if he's deeply regretting having made that initial cry for help.)
BGF: Whenever I'm in one of these things I feel like Michael Caine!
SBT: What?
BGF: Urbane and capable and a total chick magnet!
SBT: You want to be a chick magnet? That's new.
BGF: No, I mean the concept of a chick magnet.
SBT: Michael Caine is white and foreign, right?
BGF: You are not going to ruin my vibe! <starts humming "The Self-Preservation Society," which completely goes over his head because he's only seen the remake.> I LOVE feeling like this!
SBT: I'm only trying to point out how ridiculous it is for you to talk about feeling like Michael Caine as if you MEAN it.
BGF: I feel like Michael Caine if he were a black woman flying through South Central in his Mini!
SBT: I'm glad to see you're still a cheery idiot.
BGF: I missed you, too.
SBT: ... Where are we?
BGF: We're going to take the shortcut over Mulholland Drive! You'll love it!
SBT: There's no shortcut over --
BGF: Trust me!

For the record, what needed to Be Done got done. And you know why? Because as soon as I got behind the wheel of that Mini it turned into a Michael Caine Day! We were clever, we  figured out ways around the rough spots, we saw hot guys, we had a great time and in the end everything worked out fine. But most importantly, I got to drive a Mini!

*** It's a Mini! I didn't want to look like a bum.

WorldCon and Jesus Thorns

Because Goonan should be done with her reading by now, after which she's heading out of town, I've pulled her WorldCon schedule from the featured post position and back to where it's supposed to be. I already miss she and The Doc terribly.

Spending one day at LACon IV, which despite the name was not by any stretch of the imagination near Los Angeles, was interesting. On the one hand, the event was far too small for the Anaheim Convention Center - the entire thing could have fit into Hall H at CCI - and it only took 45 minutes to walk the exhibit hall (which included taking a few minutes to try on a chainmail dress and almost falling over from the weight of it). On the other hand at 11:30 a.m. I happened across the full bar just off the exhibit floor, which stocked Guiness, and after that things went swimmingly.

Any convention is IMMEDIATELY improved by the presence of a full bar just off the exhibit floor.

First Stupid Things I Have Said Moment, WorldCon 2006 Edition:
BGF to random convention center worker : Is it open?

Honestly, I couldn't tell. Walking up to the center, there was no indication anything was going on. No lines, no signage, nothing. Parking took two minutes, if that. But then an elf walked by and I followed her and once we turned the corner, there were Our People, along with an extremely small registration here sign above the door. Still no lines, though. Weird.

Second Stupid Things I Have Said Moment, WorldCon 2006 Edition:
BGF into buddy on cellphone: So far I've spotted five, but one of them was Steve Barnes, who doesn't count because he's a professional.

Third Stupid Things I Have Said Moment, WorldCon 2006 Edition:
BGF to another attendee: Do they not allow kids at the show?

I was prepared for the lack of diversity. I was not prepared for the near-absence of young people, which was striking, not to mention alarming. This gets the STIHS entry because I said it while standing next to a sign detailing the child badge rate, which was posted on the floor so I didn't notice.

Fourth Stupid Things I Have Said Moment, WorldCon 2006 Edition:
The Doc: What are you staring at?
BGF: The guy sitting behind you. NO! DON'T TURN AROUND.
TD: Who is it?
BGF: I think it's the guy who wrote Crystal Rain, but he only partially looks like his picture.
TD: Just go ask him.
BGF: I'm using my Jedi Mind Trick to make him look this way so I can see him in full face instead of profile.
TD: You're going to stare at him until you creep him out.
BGF: Yes.
TD: Just go over there -
BGF: Shhh!! You're interfering with my vibes. DON'T TURN AROUND.
TD: Where's Kathy?
BGF: Shhhh!!!
Eventually I just walked over there. It was him. I went FanGirl.

Fifth Stupid Things I Have Said Moment, WorldCon 2006 Edition:
BGF to guy serving drinks at the Japan party: Are you SERIOUS? How can you be from Japan and not know what a plum wine sake bomb is???!!!!!!!

I taught him. He was appalled. He actually did a head/desk thing while laughing at me, which was hilarious. I also taught the woman running the sushi bar at the Hilton, who immediately made one for me and charged far, far less than what they usually cost at Satsuma or at any of the sushi spots over in hipster land. I tried to share that one with others hanging out in the lounge, who had also never heard of it, but they were also appalled. Cretins. More plum wine sake bomb for me! But now I'm wondering if this drink is yet another thing invented by The Greatest City In The World that no one else has yet clued into. My God, I hope they know what it is at Morimoto's! If they don't have plum wine sake bombs at Morimoto's, MY HOPES ARE DASHED.

So, now that all that's done it's back to ripping up the bougainvillea on the side of the house in order to replace it with the far more lovely and majestic Matilija Poppy, which looks like food. (No, really. Check out the picture.) I only wish someone had warned me about the Jesus Thorns that are key component to the bougainvillea passive defense system before I started my attack. Owie. Ow. Ow. Ow.

Until The One With Rogue Went Up Last Week...

... I thought these billboards I've seen all over the place for the past few weeks were advertising either clothes or a post-irony remake of Angels in America. It is because I actually SAID to more than one person the ad campaign for the Angels in America remake is interesting, huh? that this post gets the STIHS tag. My levels of clueless idiocy occasionally astounds  even me, and I should be used to it by now.

In my defense, I saw the billboards in this order -- winged guy, chick in red, chick with the two-tone hair. I didn't immediately recognize Rogue, so, not thinking X-Men, there was nothing about these billboards to immediately put them into that mental context. They're sort of arty for a mainstream comic book movie ad campaign. When I did finally recognize Rogue, about the fourth or fifth time I drove past that one, the clue switch clicked in my brain and I stopped talking about the remake of Angels in America. And I still don't know who the woman in red is. Once the clue train pulled up to the station I figured maybe she's Dark Phoenix, but at the Satsuma Sushi throw-down last weekend I was told the Dark Phoenix storyline I'm thinking of is probably not the focus of this latest installment. (Too bad, because I loove that outfit she's wearing. I want one.)

Continuing with the In My Defense... I only sort of saw the first movie, still haven't managed to get around to seeing the second one, and have been only vaguely aware that there was a third one coming down the pike.  Because, you know ... it's the X-Men and so I don' t care. So it's not like this is COMPLETELY my fault.

I blame society.

Am I A Bad Person For

...wondering not why hairy lobster or how hairy lobster or even yaay! Science found a hairy lobster! If my first thought was "would hairy lobster still work with drawn butter and a bit of dill, or would it need to be cooked differently due to growing up in sulphur?"... Does that make me A Bad Person?

HAIRY LOBSTER: It's a whole new family of animals

For the scientists who found it and named it, Kiwa hirsuta was a sweet discovery.

The lobster -- white and covered with hair -- represents not just a new species or even a new genus, they say, but a family of animals previously unknown to science.

The researchers were cruising the South Pacific last year, hundreds of miles south of Easter Island, using the submersible vehicle Alvin to study the strange creatures that live along cracks in the seafloor called hydrothermal vents.

Greens Simmering and Chitlins On Soak

The only thing to do with five pounds of bacon ends n' pieces after rendering is to make a blt salad. Think blt, but with a spiced mayo sauce and french bread that was sliced and set out two days ago to stale, and then popped into the oven for a toast. But with One Million And One things to do, one can remember to get up every once in a while to stir the greens, it can easily slip the mind to check on the toasting bread.

By now, the neighbors are quite used to the smoke alarm going off during an extended Juila session. But every once in a while they have to come over and check, Especially with smoke pouring out of every open window. Which is a good thing, on the off chance that I'm laying on the floor, dead, being nibbled on by the cat. (Dogs go to fetch help when you're dead. Cats are more practical.)

This conversation took place moments ago through the front door between the patriarch of the folks with the fabulous garden next door, and Moi. On the grass of their yard stands either his mother or his wife's mother. The eldest son, a teen, is next to her, translating.

The Gardener of Eden: Hey! Your alarm is going off.
Me: Yup.
TGE: There's a lot of smoke.
Me: That's the toast.
TGE: Oh. It's thick smoke.
Me: Yeah.
TGE: Lot of toast, huh?
Me: It was.
TGE: So...You gonna go get that?
Me: Soon as I send this email. By the time the alarm goes off, whatever's in the oven is a lost cause.
TGE: ... That really does make sense!
Me: Thank you.

For the record, the alarm goes off often because it's placed in an area where just about anything on the stove will set it off eventually. An entire loaf of stale french bread turning into coal just sets it off more, is all.