Mom: We are proud. But...
Me: But? What but?!
Mom: What's wrong with the sleeves?
Me: Sleeves.
Mom: That ... thing ... you're wearing.
Me: You're talking about the coat? That coat is boiled wool! It's vintage! It's from Bullock's! The original one! On Wilshire! It's from the '40s!
Mom: What I'm saying is -
Me: I got it for two dollars at a church sale in Claremont! It's vintage! It's my Pat Nixon coat!
Mom: What. I. Am. Saying. Is -
Me: Costume designers have stopped me on the street offering serious money for that coat!
Mom: Will you calm down, please?
Me: I AM CALM!!!
Mom: ...
Me: ...
Mom: ...
Me: I'm sorry.
Mom: Thank you. What I'm saying is I don't understand why you wore that? Common sense is there would be news people with cameras around.
Me: ... Is Dad there?
Mom: I'm talking to you, now. Your Father can wait until I'm done.
<In the background, I can hear Dad laughing.>
Me: ... Outfitting was not on my priority list that night.
Mom: Well, for the future, maybe you can remember that there will be news people with cameras around.
Me: ... Okay.
Mom: What's wrong with the sleeves?
Me: Nothing. The hem came loose a while ago, and I just never got around to fixing. I kind of like it, because it helps keep my hands warm since I don't have gloves.
Mom: You can get some gloves and fix the hems.
Me: ... Okay.
Mom: We are proud. But I would like you to fix the sleeves.
Me: ... Okay.
Mom: I have to tell you that I don't like that I had to find out about all this on CNN.
Me: I didn't want to worry you.
Mom: You always say that.
Me: Because it's true!
Mom: We want you to tell us about these things ahead of time.
Me: You always say that!
Mom: ...
Me: Sorry.
Mom: You do look a little bit like the Statue of Liberty.
Me: Ahahahaha!
Mom: I'm going to put your Father on the phone.
Me: Love you.
Mom: Love you, too.
