Two Hours Ago, At BGF Central ...
BGF: Get over here NOW. You have to HELP ME.
Ms. Classy: What did they say?
BGF: <redacted>
Classy: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
BGF: Fuck you! HELP ME. I don't have any taste!!! YOU HAVE TO COME OVER HERE AND HELP ME.
Update! (10 months later, now that I can talk about it): This post relates to being an extra on the Transformers movie. I had to call in the night before the shoot and listen to a recording that provided bunches of details we needed to know, including what to wear. Extras often wear their own clothing. The recording said that women were to be dressed "upscale casual," as if on a fancy date or summer dressy. There was also a rundown for how your hair and makeup was to be done. I panicked. I don't even know what "upscale casual" means. So I reached out to a friend who could help. For one thing her men, unlike mine, wear suits. She would know what to wear for an upscale casual fancy date.
Right Now, At BGF Central, Amid A Closet Explosion Trailing Through Several Rooms...
Classy: One tube of lipstick? In the entire house?
BGF: It's the same kind Eddie Izzard uses.
Classy: ONE tube?
BGF: What? It was like, $20!
Classy: You have one tube of lipstick and five lint brushes.
BGF: You've met the cat.
Classy: I'll give you that. So you have one tube of lipstick and 19 boxes of comic books.
BGF: Don't you judge me!! What about these shoes?
Classy: Nice. But can you run for you life in them?
BGF: Shit!
Classy: Those are your CFM pumps, aren't they?
BGF: And honey, they work.
<Phone rings. Conversation redacted.>
BGF: She said bring more than one outfit just in case.
Classy: She can tell over the phone that you're tacky?
BGF: Fuck you! Put down that Reisling AND HELP ME.
Classy: Calm down. Your wardrobe isn't as bad as you think it is.
BGF: My stomach hurts. DAMMIT. I forgot to shave my head! I have to shave my head!
Classy: That's probably a good idea.
BGF: ...
Classy: Problem?
BGF: I should blog this for posterity.
Classy: You are the second most pathetic person I know.
BGF: Which ex is the first?
Classy: <redacted>
BGF: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Classy: Throw on some Nair while you're typing.
BGF: I thought Eurotrash underarms were hip?
Classy: My dear Lord Jesus, give me strength...
