What kind of evil bastard came up with Leapfrog?
Is it the same guy who invented the concept that if you're a working mother your child is Doomed, and then launched a whole substrata of magazines and books to support this idea so as to continually scare the shoes off of women until they're driven back into America's kitchens?
My Sister Said:
"You know what would be great? The Leapfrog was destroyed. You know they just fought over that thing all day."
"Frogger? I didn't know that was still around. Arent' they a little young for that?"
"Leapfrog."
"Not to mention that you're letting them play videogames. Frogger is mild, granted, but you know it's like a gateway drug. Today, Frogger, tomorrow, Grand Theft Auto, day after that, knocking over a liquor store with his brother. Not that I'm judging or anything."
"LEAP (pause) FROG."
"Okay, what are YOU talking about?"
"LeapFROG!"
"I'M talking about Frogger. Game where you try to cross the street and not get your froggy run over by cars."
"That was a videogame? Really? Was it for children?"
"NO. It was NOT for children. All SORTS of people played it."
"Sounds like it was for children."
"It was NOT. I'll have you know it was cutting edge at the time."
"Was this back when they had Atari?"
"What EXACTLY are you implying?"
Eventually, I figure it out. Oh. My. God. Whatever happened to Highlights For Children? What the hell kind of kid's learning tool requires a storage system bigger than my Dayrunner and its own backpack??? What the hell kind of toy comes with AN ADVISORY BOARD???? I can't even figure out where to START. There's flat ones and book ones and dvd ones and ones with pens and fluffy inchworm ones and the one with the globe and the Spongebob one and Jesus fucking christ this has got to be some sort of goddamned scam designed to drain uncertain new parents of their confidence and money. This is supposed to be educational? To teach them to be creative? IT'S A SCAM.
"Just pick one."
"I can't handle the responsibility. What if I get the wrong one and they end up hating reading, fail to learn proper dramatic play and then blow their SATs? They'll end up hanging out on Crenshaw in front of the Krispy Kreme!!"
"Get the blue one. Theirs was blue, I think."
"THERE ARE 47 BLUE ONES, not counting the globe which is mostly blue because of the oceans."
"Is there one with animals? Theirs had animals."
"I have a cat. The primary decision I have to make in his life is do I clean his litter box now, or do I wait and do it tomorrow? Do you UNDERSTAND what I'm trying to say here? "
"You want to talk to Mom?"
"No."
"You don't want to talk to Mom?"
"Was it necessary to be loud about it?"
"She said she'll call you back."
"Great. So what do I do about -"
"That's the other line. I gotta go."
"WHAT? Don't you click me off! You have to help me."
"Get the blue one."
