"Daaaaad! My head is itching!" "You shaved it." "It never itched when I used the trimmer." "A trimmer is not a shave. What aftershave are you using?" "None." "I told you use aftershave." "But they all smell like men." "..." "Daaaaad! It itches!" "That's what happens when you get a real shave and don't put something on it." "I don't like this. Tell me what to do." "Does it look good?" "Oh yeah! I looks FABULOUS. Finally I have the smooth head I've dreamed of all these years." "Then put on some lotion and get used to it." "Won't that block my freshly shaved pores? I don't want to block my pores. I don't want to get pimples on the back of my head. I think my pores are vunerable now that I'm going to use this razor thing and I have to make sure they can breathe and don't get blocked up." "..." "Daaaaaad." "Your Mother wants to talk to you. I'll put her on the phone." "But --" "Why did you give your father another vulgar gift?" *** "It's not vulgar, Mom. It's QUALITY television." "Does your 'good friend' know that you watch that kind of thing?"**** "The man has a monster sitting on top of his television, Mother." "I'm sure it's not a vulgar monster." "It's naked, and it's a girl." "... I'm going to put your Father back on the phone. ... He says he'll call you later." "Okay. Bye! Love you." "Don't tell him about your 'good friend's' pornography."
I manage not to scream with laughter until after she's hung up. *** For Christmas I gave him the box set of The Wire, season one. For Father's Day I gave him the complete second season. All three of us share a love of crime drama - I'm pretty sure I get that from them and just expanded into books - but Mom's crime drama leans more toward Columbo and Hill Street Blues. Mom is the Television Police. She does not approve of television with Language. That's the main reason I've not handed over the box set of Deadwood I got him, because there's no way he could watch it in the house without both of us getting into trouble. I'll probably just send it to him direct at the station and warn him to never, EVER bring Deadwood into the house if he knows what's good for him.
**** I find their code name for my c.f.e. HILARIOUS. What makes it funniest is the slight pause they throw in before the 'good' and after the 'friend'. (For the record, there is indeed a naked girl monster sitting on top of his television. However, it is NOT pornographic. It is Art.)
Even though doctors are used to people showing up looking like death doesn't mean you can't make an effort to not look like COMPLETE death. If you're going to be sitting in the waiting room for hours, why not do so well groomed? Or as well groomed as you can manage, what with feeling like death is on its way and all.
So it was time to test out the shaver thing I got a few weeks ago. As you can see from my photo over there, 3/4 of my head is shaved. I've been using clippers all these years but have been dissatisfied because clippers don't give you a totally smooth bald head. You still have a fuzz, which I have never liked. But that's better than using Nair, which is what I did once back when I started this hair oh, 14 years ago, now. Note to others - do not EVER put Nair on your head.
I got this thing called Headblade. It's been sitting in the bathroom unused for a couple of weeks because for one, I've never used a razor and didn't know how to do it, and for the other, I didn't know you needed shaving gel to use it until after I got it home, opened the package and read the instructions. That was annoying to find out. They should put that on the package. Otherwise, you end up having to go back to the store. And then you have to figure out which shaving cream to get. There are a LOT of them.
"Why would they put that on the package?" my Dad said when I called him for shaving advice. Me: "Because how else are people going to know that you also have to buy shaving cream when you buy the razor?" Dad: "Everybody knows you have to have shaving cream to shave." Me: "I didn't. And also, they're not all cream. Some of them are gel or foam. What's the difference?" Dad: "Just get the gel." Me: "Isn't that sticky? I don't like sticky." Dad: "Which aftershave are you using?" Me: "I need aftershave, too? I'm not doing my face. Also, I don't want to smell like a man." Dad: "If you're shaving you'll need to put a little bit of aftershave on for your skin." Me: "I'm not really SHAVING. I'm just taking the hair off of my head with a razor." Dad: " ..." Me: "Oh."
Eventually Dad stops laughing at me long enough to provide Fatherly Advice on how this all works exactly - use hot water, rub in the gel, let it sit for a while and all that. It doesn't matter if you're in the shower or at the sink, but you have to rinse the blade while you're using it. Also, these blades don't last long. You have to replace it every few uses! I'm like, SCAM!!! He told me how to figure out when it's time to change the blade. Then he rings off with his normal admonition that both of the parental units use whenever the topic of Me and A Sharp, Edged Tool Of Any Kind comes up. I have a bad history with such things.
I decided to order a sample pack of shaving cream from the Headblade people, which I still feel is a scam. They should GIVE you a sample pack of shaving cream in the package with the razor. Still, good to see guys are being scammed in the beauty supply industry just like we girls.
Between Dad's advice and the instructions, I was able to use the thing. It was easy! It was also comfortable and I did not end up bleeding or injured. Headblade! It is indeed The Best Thing Ever. It works for girls, too. Now I finally have the totally naked and smooth head I have always wanted, and I was well groomed for the trip to the doctor.
I'm still not using aftershave, though. I REALLY don't want to smell like a man.
What a tragedy. Didn't know her at all, only followed her work as a writer and advocate, and really enjoyed watching a new Holy Warrior come up and get to work. Her work trying to help teen moms awake and organize and also her efforts to educate about the reproductive rights of teens was critical. And she was an entertaining, solid writer. My heart goes out to all of her families.
Is not being able to focus enough to read, so you're trapped with daytime television. How long has this abomindable "Starting Over" show been on the air?
Jane didn't have a normal childhood because she was an overachiever. So she must learn to play. Here are some finger paints! For some reason she is crying. I guess she doesn't like her empowerment activity.
Sue is crying over Lucy's empowerment activity, which involved makeup and a fight with another lady, and it's not fair that Lucy got away with whatever she got away with. Sue does not understand that Lucy's situation with the makeup mirrored her relationship with her mother. Sue must learn not to be so sensitive, which is why she is not allowed to take off that weird necklace made of construction paper. the necklace has something to do with her empowerment activity.
Tasha is upset that her husband is upset that she went off to be in the House Of Issues mere months after their wedding. He accepted her decision but now she wants him to accept it even more, and the fact that he refuses to accept it even more than he has means he thinks she's not good enough for him. Or something.
Jill is fat and doesn't want to excersize. This is because she's afraid to trust herself to excersize. Apparently, she also can't trust herself enough to stop shoving food down her throat, but the facilitator doesn't mention that.
The entire house is fighting over the makeup thing. Apparently, the makeup thing is not about eyeliner, but about trust. A facilitator who is also a psychologist arrives to help the group work through the "process" of the makeup fight.
The names have been changed because I can't bother to remember them. But I do remember the tags that appear under each woman's name when she does her one-on-one. Sally: "releasing anger to accept love".
This has got to be one of the most pathetic television shows I have EVER seen in my LIFE. If I wasn't already sick? This show would MAKE me sick. Omigod..it's made me SICKER! I have to go throw up again!!!
But on the other hand we get local news practically all day on one channel, and now I know why there were helicopters all over the place a little while ago, waking me up. Bad guys+SUV+Cops+Guns+About two blocks away = All That Goddamned Noise Waking Me Up When I'm Sick And Need To SLEEP.
Wicked was indeed as good as it was Proclaimed to be. Since I hit the matinee (all glory to Christine) I was able to go straight from the theater out into the Hinterlands where the evening's escort hauled us even further into the Wilds outside of the city to catch a one-woman ballet interpreting the story of John Titor the time traveler.
Yes, THAT John Titorthe time traveler. As a one woman ballet. It TOTALLY rocked.
The performer is Caitlyn Carradine, a professional ballerina who also appears to have taken the Create Your Opportunities vibe and run with it. I was unfamiliar with her work until now because her performance space is way the hell out in the Here Be Dragons land (I admit I'm turning into the people I once mocked for their habit of rarely tipping past Burbank ... need to do something about that), but now that I'm clued in I'm going to try and see her other shows, and bring friends. She's done a ballet mystery, another where she put a kink in Swan Lake and had the audience decide if the swan lives or dies, and she's got a one woman Sammy Davis Jr ballet coming up. How cool is THAT?
I was eager to see this when the escort brought it to my attention in part because the Titor story is one of my favorite probable hoaxes. If you've never heard of it, go to the site and read up on it. The amount of effort that went into the story, is nifty, and that the creator is still anonymous is amazing. The originator just came up with this, put it out there and I guess just watched to see what happened. As it took off in all sorts of corners, why not come forward and claim it, I wonder? The ways different communities from ecotopians, to fundamentalists, to Nationalists have embraced and claimed the Titor story fascinates me. That someone would eventually take it and adapt it into another form is expected. But a one woman ballet, that I never saw coming. Of COURSE I had to go see it!
The theater is very small, even smaller than the Coronet and the Evidence Room. There were about 20 people in the audience. We sat in plastic yard chairs placed before the stage. Our chairs were behind an empty, cushioned office chair that sat all alone with a sign taped to its back reading Reserved For John Titor. That was cool.
The space is actually located within the old state mental hospital, which you don't really get Creepy Vibes over because it's a pretty building. That is until the show started with the lights going off and it's PITCH BLACK and dead quiet for about 30 seconds. THEN the Creepy Vibes start.
The show was in two acts, and both she danced in jumpsuits. While I personally feel there should be a law that dancers should always perform as close to naked as the law allows because their bodies are so pretty like Art, it makes sense that she was in a jumpsuit the whole time.
The way she opened it, after the pitch black and laser squiggle thing, was very nifty. She appeared to emerge from a television screen at the back of the stage where her image was ghosted. Every once in a while as she danced on stage, her image on the screen appeared again, but this time it looked trapped and occasionally it screamed. That sent chills up the neck, honest to Betsy.
The first act was classical music with a loop of a male voice reading excerpts from Titor's postings. On the television at the front of the stage would flash the schematics of his time machine. The second act was classical music and some hip hop, with different excerpts being read. She also had more visuals in the second act - a wildly rotating montage of photographs, a huge moon, a mirror and two fire pots with fire. (Fire! Yaay!) I LOVED the segment she did against the projection of the moon, which was tinted and swollen as it is during harvest. It was very peaceful, but also lonely. During this section, during the flow of her dance at times she made herself look like the moving arms of a clock, while at others she looked like that DaVinci painting - the one they sent out with Voyager. I thought I was going to have to fumble in my purse and find the first aid kits each audience member was given with our tickets to get a wet nap, because I swear I was THIS CLOSE to breaking out in tears.
As my knowledge of classical music is even more scant than my knowledge of dance and I left my program with the escort, I can't tell you what pieces were used in the show. And because I have no idea how to properly write about a dance performance I know am not doing an adequate job describing just how moving this performance was. The entire thing reminded me very much of The Man Who Walked Home. It was just a great work of art.
So! It was wonderful to go from a very high-end bells and whistles Broadway extravaganza to a stripped down, intimate show and have each be an excellent piece of entertainment. Wicked, a ballet and The Blacks (which I went to see Thursday night) all in one week! I don't understand it when people who live in this town claim to be bored.